Third Trimester Reflections
Hey, everyone! Before I jump in and share some thoughts I’ve had the past couple of weeks, I just want to highlight this dress I’m wearing because I am OBSESSED. This is probably one of the moments of my pregnancy where I’ve felt the prettiest and most myself. Maxey Greene recently launched a clothing collaboration with Hutch and it is A DREAM. You can find it here at Nuuly. I was able to grab a few pieces to try, and I’m so glad I did. Not only is Maxey one of my favorite women to follow online, but she’s a new mom and I’ve enjoyed learning from her and following her journey.
I grabbed the Floral Maxi dress in a Large. I’ll be purchasing it as Nuuly is a rental service. But I’ll be grabbing it in a medium because I need to be able to wear this dress ALL OF THE TIME. & of course because your girl thinks about EVERY literal body, these pieces are available in standard and plus sizes. Okay, I just had to plug that in. That wasn’t a sponsorship or anything. I just love to see women killing it and doing amazing things!!
Now, let’s reflect! Yesterday, on my stories I posted about how I basically hate being pregnant. As someone who has no filter, is generally bold, and doesn’t really care for what others think, that was really hard to say “out loud” to the entire internet. I haven’t had an easy or enjoyable pregnancy. I’ve been sick for more than 85% of it. A few weeks ago I had a seizure. That’s something I had never experienced before in my life and it was a terrifying moment for my husband and me.
After sharing a bit of my experience and really just reflecting with my friends and online community, there was a FLOOD of messages that came in sharing the same sentiment. & I thought to myself, “WHY IS NO ONE TALKING ABOUT THIS!?” All of these messages and DM’s making me feel so seen. Women who have multiple children or are currently expecting and feel the same way. Why didn’t I know there were more of me out there?
When you get down to the root of it all it’s shame. Shame in being judged by other mothers. Shame in the potential of being accused of being a bad parent before you even get to meet your baby. Shame in the potential of PPD or feeling like if you don’t change your attitude you are certainly going to go down that route. There is so much shame in sharing your thoughts about pregnancy if they aren’t magical and glorious. Yet there are so many pregnancy experiences that are everything but magical and glorious.
People ask you questions like “Why would you decide to have a baby if you were going to hate being pregnant?” Or they say things like “You should feel so fortunate to be able to carry life when so many people who want to cannot.” I’m sorry I don’t like feeling like a dumpster fire 24/7, and I’m sorry I don’t like puking after every meal for almost 9 months on top of all of the normal pregnancy symptoms you experience. There’s no winning with expectations and the unrealistic portrait of expectancy that we’ve now come to glorify online.
Don’t get me wrong, there are women who experience perfect pregnancies. I love that for y’all and I hope if ever we decided to have another child, some of that juju comes my way. But there are so many unseen, unspoken, unheard people whose experiences aren’t enjoyable. If that’s you, I just want to let you know that I see you. I feel you. For most of my pregnancy, I have been you. This is hard. This is REALLY REALLY hard.
Not to mention I am personally experiencing all of this during a global pandemic, where the support of other friends and family isn’t available because well, pandemic. I am incredibly blessed and fortunate to have the most amazing partner in the galaxy. My husband has been selfless, attentive and without hesitation, the most available human being alive during all this. Something that is emotionally and mentally taxing on him as well. Time and time again he’s shown up for me and I don’t think I’d have survived this without him. I am VERY VERY VERY VERY (a few more VERY’s for good luck) VERY VERY lucky to have him.
As we enter the last few weeks of our pregnancy, I think about what kind of mother I’ll be. What kind of mother I hope to be and what kind of mother I hope my daughter thinks I am. But not once have I ever questioned whether or not I will love our baby. Not once has the fear of resenting this experience and then possibly resenting her crossed my mind. Because I know that whatever mother I evolve into, I’m going to be a great mother. & that’s the part that I really want to drive home today. You can hate your pregnancy experience and love your child unconditionally. Both of these truths can co-exist.
One of the amazing people in my community, @katekolenda sent me this DM and I haven’t stopped thinking about it because it really hit home for me.
“THE WAY YOUR BODY HANDLES PREGNANCY HAS ZERO CORRELATION TO HOW YOUR HEART HANDLES PARENTHOOD.”
If you’re feeling guilty for not loving your pregnancy experience, that’s okay. I hope we continue to normalize these unspoken experiences. I hope, that like me, you believe you’re going to be an amazing parent. Despite whatever this has looked like for you, it doesn’t discount the fact that our bodies are AMAZING and the amount of love we will have for our little babies will be overwhelming.
I for one can’t wait for this part of our journey to be over. The emotional, physical and mental toll this has taken on me is loud. But we have SO MUCH to look forward to. We get to witness an extension of our love personified. We get to hold our little babe in our arms and we get to enjoy those moments as a family. I cannot wait for that. & I think because of everything I experienced, the love I have for our baby will be even greater than I can imagine. My body went through hell, and this is the result of it. Tangible, unconditional, endless love.
Can’t wait to meet you baby M. Can’t wait to see what kind of person you’ll be. Can’t wait to watch my husband be a father. Can’t wait for all of the magical moments that we know are coming.
xx
D
